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Cream of the Crop 20
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Cream of the Crop 20 (Terry Blount) (1996).iso
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NEWGAMES.DOC
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1995-03-20
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10KB
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185 lines
You want to know about new games from Russian Under Ware, Inc.? OK, I guess
we can tell you just this once. What's that? You don't know what Russian
Under Ware, Inc. is? You're reading the wrong file, moron! Read UNDER_W.EAR
first!
Introduction to Russian:
It's a group of simple games, in the Russian Under Ware, Inc. style. It
includes:
Warm and Cold --- Look around for some worthless piece of trash, until
you find it. Until you find it, find out if you're getting warm or cold.
What else can I say about a game so simple we're embarrassed to release
it separately?
X's and O's --- Put letters in boxes. Try to get three next to each
other. What could possibly be more fun?
Submarine --- Try to guess where your enemy's ships are by shooting
torpedoes at them. But it's even more complicated than you think. They
shoot at your ships.
The Russian Lottery --- have you ever wanted to win the lottery??? Ever
wanted to win a million dollars??? Ever wanted to be rich??? If you answer
yes to any of the above questions, then the Russian Lottery is NOT for you.
You see, you have just about as much chance of winning the Russian lottery as
you have winning the real lottery (maybe less). Anyway, on the off chance
that you do win, you can even print out a non-negotiable check (sounds like
fun, eh?)
Join more than 3, but less than 5 colored squares in a row before the
computer does it first -- similiar to Milton Bradly's Connect 4, only we give
you an UZI!!! (UZI not included)
Introduction to Russian also includes previews of all of the games listed
in this file, good enough that you can see how cool they are, but boring
enough that unless you're a moron you'll try to get the real games.
Quest ][, an RPG by Tony Relyea.
I call it Quest ][ because there really is a Quest I, but I made it on a
very old version of Basic (2.1), and it is totally incompatible with
anything. Quest ][ has a simple concept, but the game is anything but
simple. You time travel, save some crazy dude and his hot daughter, and
get a prize. Sounds like your average, run-of-the-mill RPG, right? Well,
you couldn't be farther from the truth. You see, you are a chivalrous
knight on a crusade, but it is 1756 where you travel, there are such things
as guns, cannons, and other such stuff that your measley chain mail armor
ain't gonna protect you from. So, in conclusion, say your prayers, buy a
bullet-proof vest, take off your underwear (you Russian), and prepare
yourself for the greatest computer game in the history of computer games!!
Quest ][, coming in March, 1995
only from Russian Under Ware Inc.,
Piracy, a game by Geoff Shaw
Arr, so ye want to be a pirate? Well Shiver me timbers! Can ye --- Enough
of this stupid pirate talk, let's talk in a way you will understand. In
this game, you can do all the things pirates do: find buried treasure, rob
innocent ships, get into battles, and sing classic pirate songs. Keep
doing this stuff until you have a million gold! Deal with other pirates:
The Dread Pirate Barney, Don Nianmarie,and Abraham Lincoln. There's so much
that you can even feel the sea below you! Actually, you must REGISTER for
that. The REGISTERed game is so much better that it's a different game!
So can you survive on the high seas ... or will you walk the plank
with the other landlubbers? Don't get your underwear wet, of course that
won't be a problem if you're Russian. This is really the greatest computer
game of all time!
Piracy, coming Spring, 1995
only from Russian Under Ware, Inc
Campaign, a game by Geoff Shaw
In this country anyone can be president! Just look at all the people who
have done it recently. If you think you're more electable than any of them,
try this game. Start off going from state to state to win your party's
nomination in the primaries. Campaign against politicians like
Bed Kennedy, Jesse Hell, and Abraham Lincoln, and see how many votes you
can get . If you REGISTER, you can win a primary and deserve to be president
president! Spend money, tell lies about your opponent, say the Russians
don't wear underwear, anything to get elected! Change your opinions
on over one million issues, including The Gorbachev-Yeltsin Russian President
Referendum, The Shaw-Lincoln Sixteenth President Ammendment, and even the
Yeltsin-Checkov Illegal Underwear Ammendment! This has to be the
greatest game ever, and make sure you vote it best political game on
November 7, 1995.
Campaign, coming in March, 1995, trust me
only from Russian Under Ware, Inc.
Politician, a better game by Tony Relyea
The reason mine is better is that you start out as a lowly county supervisor
but, if you have what it takes (lying, mud to sling, a good campaign manager,
either a clean past or dirt on your opponent, and a politician's smile) then
you may one day make it to the top (first lady), just kidding, you may even
make it to the White House as President of the United States!!!! (yeah, right)
As I was saying, I had an onion on my belt, 'cause that was the style at the
time --- all I gots to say, is that Politician is the best video game in the
history of video games, and don't wait until 1995 to vote, just send me
1 million dollars today, and I will cast your vote for you!!!
Politician, coming in ????????????????
only from Russian Under Ware, Inc.
Mole, a spy game by Geoff Shaw
We will be releasing this game late. The reason is, when it was time to
release it we had no name. I chose a random word from the dictionary to
use, but "mole" seemed like a stupid name for a space battle game. So I
deleted the game and started over. You take the part of an American secret
agent working in the KGB as a mole. You need to find out the information
and send it to President Lincoln before they catch you. Make sure you are
good at deceit and disguise, or you might end up in Siberia...without any
underwear! This game has capacity to save up to 26 games, but only the
REGISTERED version can load them.
Mole, coming in October 1994
only from Russian Under Ware, Inc.
Doctor Nder, an artificial intelligence by Tony Relyea & Abe Lincoln
For those of you with Creative Labs Sound Blaster, or Sound Blaster Pro, you
are familiar with Dr. Sbaitso. This is similiar to Dr. Sbaitso, only he is
smarter! He hates politeness and will get an error if you use too much.
Otherwise, just play and learn. Requires a computer. (text-to-speech operator
recommended).
This is based on the original, and true artificial intelligence, Nder
Sr., programmed by Abraham Lincoln over 100 years ago (amazing, ain't it?)
Nder, coming in the future
ONLY from Russian Under Ware, Inc., (unless you count Lincoln
software inc.)
Bloopers, a unique game by Abraham Lincoln
Imagine yourself on the deck of a pirate ship. A storm starts, so you go
below deck. Right there are your supporters, ready to help you get elected.
You see, this game has no plot! You just go to different parts of our games
which were originally programmed wrong. Get paid a million gold to take a
ship! Kill someone by sleeping! Watch Abraham Lincoln say "The Russians
always wear underwear." Have the computer say "please" and "sorry"! Watch
for sequels, because we plan to make a lot of mistakes.
Bloopers, coming after all the others listed here
only from Apogee ---Oops, there's another mistake!
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dfsjk fsdjkl iowe dfjsakl;jiop jweop joipwerj dnk?:jpwer jdsopifejwkl
jerwophdsf. ; jo;a ;lsad j;Jowj mwoep!
Coming Soon!
To order, send us money. You can use PRINTME.BAT. Ba-Bye!
Release dates subject to change without notice at the slightest whim of the
all-powerful programmers.
If you want an unREGISTERed game, send us at least $4.01, but we accept tips.
Ask about the prices of our REGISTERed games, or look in the unREGISTERed
.DOC files.
Depending on what kind of mood we're in when we package your copy of a
REGISTERED game (a